DESIGNING AND APPLYING ACTIVITIES TO DEVELOP SELF-ESTEEM (EPC4)
Introduction
Self-esteem
is not identical to self-concept though the two are often confused. The
self-concept is a set of ideas about oneself that is descriptive rather than
judgmental. Self-esteem, on the other hand, refers to one's evaluation of one's
own qualities. An example may clarify the distinction. An eight year old boy
might have a concept of himself as someone who fights a lot. It he values his
ability to fight and stand up for him that quality might add to his
self-esteem. If he is unhappy about himself or his tendency to get into
conflicts, then his pones to aggression might detract from his self-esteem. One
reason for wide spread interest in self-esteem is the notion that poor
self-esteem might account for school failure for some children. (Paul and
Conger, 1984) Thus, to enhance self-esteem is to help growing children.
Hypnosis can help to enhance self-esteem.
Self-esteem
is a term used in psychology to reflect a person's overall evaluation or appraisal
of his or her own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, "I
am competent' or "I am incompetent") and emotions such as triumph,
despair, pride and shame. A person's self-esteem may be reflected in their
behaviour, such as in assertiveness, shyness, confidence or caution.
Self-esteem can apply specifically to a particular dimension (for exaple,
"I believe I am a good writer, and feel proud of that in particular")
or have global extent (for example, "I believe I am a good person and feel
proud of myself in general").
Definitions and meaning of
self-esteem
Given
its long and varied history, the term has had no less than three major types of
definition, each of which has generated its own tradition of research,
findings, and practical applications.
Ø The original definition presents
self-esteem as a ratio found by dividing one's successes in areas of life of
importance to a give individual by the failures in them or one's "success/
pretensions: Problems with this approach come from making self-esteem
contingent upon success; this implies inherent instability because failure can
occur at any moment.
Ø In the mid-1960s Morris Rosenberg and
social-learning theorists defined self-esteem in terms of a stable sense or
personal worth or worthiness. This became the most frequently used definition
for research, but involves problems of boundary- definition making self-esteem
indistinguishable from such things as narcissism or simple bragging.
Ø Nathaniel Branden in 1969 briefly defined
self-esteem as "... the experience of being competent to cope with the
basic challenges of life and bring worthy of happiness". This two- factor
approach, as some have also called it, provides a balanced definition that
seems to be capable of dealing with limits of defining self-esteem primarily in
terms of competence or worth alone.
The importance of Self-esteem
Self-esteem
refers to an individual's opinion of him or herself. People with healthy
self-esteem trust their own instincts and abilities, believe that they are
worthy of good things happening to them, and are confident that, with effort,
they can accomplish any necessary or desired task. Unhealthy self-esteem can range
from a dislike of oneself to an overinflated self-opinion.
Research
has shown that an individual's self-esteem strongly influences his or her
interpersonal relationships, behavior, and learning. Unhealthy self-esteem has
been linked to abusive and/ or dysfunctional relationships, academic troubles,
depression, and even violence and crime. Healthy self-esteem is important
becasue individuals who are confident can cope better when things go wrong or
not as expected. Confidence, and in turn self-esteem, grows when individuals
experience success.
What
to do if your child has low self-esteem-
To
help your child develop healthy self-esteem, make sure to acknowledge your
child's strengths and abilities. All too often, children with Autism Spectrum
Disorder (ASD) are reminded (intentionally or not) of all the things they
cannot do. Look for things, both small and large, that your child can do, and,
when your child overcomes a previous challenge, celebrate your child's
progress. However, don't be disingenuous with your accolades. Children don't
benefit from false praise. No matter how impacted your child is by ASD, your
child has many, many qualities to commend without exaggerating achievements.
Make
sure your child knows that there are people that care about him or her.
Reassure your child of your love and point out other relatives, neighbors, and
friends that care about him or her. Provide concrete examples of times when
someone else went out of the way to be helpful or friendly. Also, teach your
child how to reciprocate when another person is outwardly friendly. Without
being critical of your child, make sure your child understands that other
people want to feel friendship in return. It is mutual admiration and attention
that helps friendships to develop. If bullying is part of the cause for low
self-esteem, work with your school private therapists, and your child to end it
and prevent if from reoccurring.
► Find activities for your child to join
which are in an area of ius particular interest and ability for your child.
Consider having your child "tutor" someone else (perhaps a younger
child) on how to complete a challenging Logo" creation, draw animal, or
master a video game.
Teach
your child coping strategies. Coping strategies include sharing, managing anger,
resolving conflict, and dealing with stress. During times of disappointment or
crisis, weakened self- esteem can be strengthened if you let your child know
that br your love and support remain unchanged. When the crisis has but passed,
you can help your child reflect on what went wrong. The next time a crisis
occurs your child can use the knowledge gained from overcoming past
difficulties
► Model healthy self-esteem. If your child
hears you constantly berating yourself for being overweight, not getting a
desired promotion, or just not being good enough, your child will mimic your
behavior. Definitely let your child sees that everything doesn't come easy for
you; your child should know that you need to work hard to accomplish your
goals. It is equally helpful for your child to see how you handle
disappointment. Verbalize how you are feeling and follow up by expressing an
action plan for how to improve for next time or how to make yourself feel
better. Praise yourself for trying and not giving up. What to do if your child
has an overinflated self-opinion
Often
an overinflated self-opinion in an individual with ASD is explained by
difficulties in taking another person's perspective. Individuals with ASD may
simply not notice another person's achievements or strengths. Help your child
appreciate other's talents by acknowledging a sibling's accomplishment in front
of your child with ASD. If your child reacts by talking about themselves, say
that you are proud of them too, but that now is the time to celebrate your other
child's success.
► Provide a structured environment.
Sometimes the need for self-flattery comes from a fear of the unknown. Your
child may build him or herself up in an effort to convince him or herself that
he or she can get through something.
▸
Make sure the praise you provide your child is not overdone in light of the
accomplishment. Praising your child for reading 20 books over the summer is
overinflated if the books read are 3 grades below your child's reading level.
► Encourage your child to try new
activities, even if they present a challenge. Praise your child for trying
something different and difficult, whether or not your child succeeds in the
task the first time. Teach your child coping strategies in case things don't do
as planned.
▸
Point out examples in real life, books, or television where someone acted
discuss how the individual's behavior affected the behavior of others and
ultimately prevented the individual from getting a desired goal.
Sometimes,
it may be necessary to consult a professional counselor for help in improving
your child's self-esteem. School counselors as well as private therapists have
specific training in this area and are a great resource for and your family.
Keys to increasing
self-esteem
1.
Demonstrate a positive perspective rather than a negative one.
"Catch"
your children doing something good. This communicates love, care, acceptance,
and appreciation. Be careful not to undo a positive statement. For example,
"you did a great job cleaning your room, too bad you don't do it more
often."
2.
Keep your promises. This facilitates trust in parents, while they are role
modeling being respectful and responsible. Consistency is important.
3.
Create opportunities out of your children's mistakes. For example, "what
did you learn? What would be helpful next time?"
4.
Show appreciation, approval, and acceptance. List for the feeling behind the
words. Active listening to what a child says shows respect and is a way to
reflect their worthiness. Being genuinely interested fosters mutual care and
respect.
5.
Have reasonable and appropriate consequences. Discipline should be a part of
learning and encouraging responsible behavior. If a consequence is too long or
severe it creates feelings of hopelessness, and a feeling that they have
nothing to lose. As a result, it is likely to lead to more opposition and
acting out.
6.
Ask your children for their opinions, involve them in family Mi problem solving
and decision making whenever possible and appropriate.
7.
Help your children develop reasonable age-appropriate goals for themselves and
help them recognize their progress toward goals.
8.
Avoid making comparisons between siblings or peers. Each person is unique and
has something special to offer. Recognizing individual attributes is a good
thing because it helps a child or adolescent to become more aware of their
strengths or assets.
9.
Support your children in activities in which they feel accomplished and
successful. Everyone feels good about themselves when they are successful.
10.
Spend time doing things with your children. The amount of time as well as the
quality of time is important. Remember, your children grow quickly and time
that has past can never be recaptured. Be sure to take time to have fun and
enjoy your children.
11.
Encourage your children's efforts and accomplishments. Genuine encouragement of
efforts, progress, and accomplishments promotes positive self-esteem. Children
learn to accept themselves, identify their assets and strengths, build self-
confidence and develop a positive self-image.
12.
Communicate your love by saying it and demonstrating it. Feeling loved is
feeling secure. Love is communicated by mutual respect, which is a cornerstone
in the development of independence and responsibility.
13.
Accept your children for who they are. This facilitates self- acceptance,
self-lie and self-love.
14.
Have faith in your children so that they can learn to expect the best in
themselves.
15.
Focus on contributions, assets and strengths so that children feel that they
are important and have something to offer. Let them know what they offer
counts.
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